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So, for the first time in a couple years, I caught most of the MTV awards last night. Watched it in a window on my TV tuner card on the computer, so I wasn’t paying full attention, but I got most of it.

First, I think it’s great that Suge Knight got shot again at some pre-party Saturday night. Fantastic! Kudos to whoever gatted his ass — he’s a real piece of crap.

Second, Puff Daddy sucked as host. Chris Rock was so much better and MTV should never have let him go. Rock brought a lot of interest to an otherwise boring event filled with nothing but dumb musicians congratulating each other and thanking Jesus. His unscripted dissing of the random celebrities at the event was awesome. Even better were the reaction shots of his unsuspecting comedic targets.

Now, the random musings:

• I missed the Shakira performance, but heard it was pretty good.
• Puffy’s dancing and his constant “expect the unexpected” BS, I’m so cool egotistic attitude, and nonstop posing — giznay.

• MC Hammer — Would have been cooler if he actually did the entire Can’t Touch This song. I definitely would have sat thru that and probably even enjoyed it. The performance that he and his “posse” did do left me with a very WTF kind of feeling.
• Puffy and the history of his name was super lame. Nobody on earth besides him should give a shit about his stupid name and how often he changes it. It seemed like the audience agreed and about the only thing that got a laugh in that bit was the Seandoleeza Rice joke.
• Dane Cook is one of my favorite comedians (his standup special they play on Comedy Central and his live albums are awesome), but he bombed bigtime. The whole thing looked pretty uncomfortable and he really didn’t get too many big laughs (e.g. exploding baby joke — wtf?? I’m in no way offended by the idea of a “baby detonator” but that was just a weak joke). Felt bad for him, as a top performance here could have been a big break on his way to go mainstream.
• R. Kelly — holy shit, what MTV genius thought that was a good idea? That video is bad enough, but to have to watch him and that horribly obvious lip-syncing for that length of time was incredibly painful. And oh yeah, this guy banged a 14 year old girl on tape, right? Why is MTV promoting this douchebag?
• Also, wtf is with the constant appearances of Don the Bishop Magic Juan? MTV must think it’s all a bit or something, but this guy was a fucking PIMP selling women on the streets and probably beating them if they didn’t bring home enough cheddar. He’s not the same type of pimp 50 cent calls himself. Promote rapists and pimps to the kiddies, but bleep out every other word in the videos. Stupid.
• Hillary Duff joins the list of celebrity sluts who look like they’re drugged up and not eating. Plus, she’s starting to look horse-like.
• Lohan still looking twig-like — lookin a little better, but not close to what she used to be.
• Missed the 50 Cent speech with the cursing and stuff.
• Paris Hilton and Lil Bow Wow comparing rings — nauseating.
• I’m so sick of Green Day and hearing their songs on every radio station around here 10x a day. WTF is with Billy Joe and Tre Cool wearing the eyeliner. Nigga please…
• Prison bound Lil’ Kim — was that her with some new look? Looking a lot less crack-whorey I must say.
• Snoop Dogg coming in live on Biggie’s “Warning” track was great. Too bad they cut it short.
• Kelly Clarkson — call me a half a fag, but I kinda enjoyed her performance closing out the show. She was screaming hardcore to hit those notes, but it was nice to see someone sing without lip-syncing and put some energy into their performance. When she won the award earlier, I thought it was cute how she had trouble getting up on stage and ended up crawling through a fountain. Newbie innocence — but dont worry, I’m sure she’ll be a bitch-ass-diva in a couple years.
• Eva Longoria’s cameltoe was the best part of the entire show. For some reason she came out in a swimsuit and there were some blatent, well-defined labia sticking out in her crotch area. The directors stuck with a chest up shot for the remainder of her appearance — what a shame. Here are a couple hi-res camelfree :( photos I found. If anyone has some more detailed pics of her camel-cooch from the show, please post a link in the comments!

2005, MTV, VMA, Eva, Longoria, cameltoe

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